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As a first responder to thefts, attacks and student house parties gone wild, the prospect of faster emergency help sounds great, says George Bass

From stealing ornamental fish to spraying car parts in the shower, domestic students make security staff earn their meagre wages, says George Bass

Once praised as key workers, low-salaried university employees dedicated to student safety are increasingly seen as redundancy fodder, says security guard George Bass

Victims may feel more comfortable disclosing incidents to supervisors than to the killjoys who shut down their 4am corridor parties, says George Bass

Unless we get an X-ray machine, the guard room will be inadvertently signing for dubious deliveries for the foreseeable future, says George Bass

Will those charged with telling students that their student union card is not an approved form of ID for voting be branded fascists, wonders George Bass

As a campus guard, George Bass often sees the gaps between students’ intellectual abilities and their life skills

Guards are adept at taking escalating student consumerism in their stride. Coffee may also be served, says George Bass 

As freshers make up for forgone alcohol experiments during lockdown, George Bass won’t be surprised to see more hair ransoms on Instagram 

As UK campuses reopen, security staff are hard pressed policing social distancing and delivering toilet rolls to isolating students, says George Bass

As students fret about being refused service at McDonald’s, George Bass fears having to refuse them exit from their dormitories